Patients Lie

I saw a 20 something female patient in Urgent Care for a possible urinary tract infection (UTI). Its a fairly common diagnosis based on symptoms and a simple lab test. As I was telling her about her lab findings, I mentioned that she wasn't pregnant. She and her boyfriend were relieved but she was also surprised that we had checked for that. I told her it's done routinely on women of childbearing age because it may affect the choice of antibiotics in a situation like this.

The other reason it gets checked is because patients lie. She seemed a little shocked by this but its true. I was shocked by this myself until I encountered enough patients that do in fact lie. People lie to each other so lying to a doctor is apparently no different.

For example, I saw a patient with an unusual rash on his private area and despite a thorough Q&A session, we could not come up with a reason for it. Herpes was top of my list but as we sat there in the presence of his long time girlfriend, they both REPEATEDLY denied any other sexual partners so there was no way it could be herpes. It wasn't until I had my hand on the door knob and was ready to leave that the girlfriend casually mentioned she had tested positive for herpes a few days earlier at her doctor appointment. Surprise, surprise. We had a diagnosis in no time that was confirmed in the lab a couple days later. Unfortunately for this gentleman, it wasn't the diagnosis he was hoping for.

Patients lie.

Solicitors

So I'm at home last Saturday night watching a movie with my wife. It's 8pm, my kids are in bed, and someone rang the doorbell. Expecting a solicitor but vaguely curious about who would actually come to my house and ring the doorbell at 8pm on a Saturday night, I got up to answer the door. I looked through the peephole at some random teenage kid standing in the dark on my front step. I turned the light on, opened the door, and got a weak military salute and fake muscle flex from this punk. (It was warm so I didn't have a shirt on and he saw "NAVY" on my gym shorts so apparently that prompted the salute and muscle pose.) He proceeded to try and sell me a carpet shampooing for my house. I politely said "No, thank you" and then "no" a few more times as he continued to ramble on. And despite his whining, I closed the door, turned the light off, and went back to our movie.

In retrospect, I should have told him (and anyone who cold calls my house) this: I have a computer and its connected to the Internet. (Amazing, I know in this day and age.) There is absolutely nothing that you can offer me that I can't find faster, cheaper, and more to my liking on the Internet. When I find something I can either order it online and since I also have a phone (another modern marvel), I have the option to call and order it on my time, on my terms.

Please don't ever come to my house or call my house trying to offer me anything. You can't possibly compete so don't waste my time.