Solicitors

So I'm at home last Saturday night watching a movie with my wife. It's 8pm, my kids are in bed, and someone rang the doorbell. Expecting a solicitor but vaguely curious about who would actually come to my house and ring the doorbell at 8pm on a Saturday night, I got up to answer the door. I looked through the peephole at some random teenage kid standing in the dark on my front step. I turned the light on, opened the door, and got a weak military salute and fake muscle flex from this punk. (It was warm so I didn't have a shirt on and he saw "NAVY" on my gym shorts so apparently that prompted the salute and muscle pose.) He proceeded to try and sell me a carpet shampooing for my house. I politely said "No, thank you" and then "no" a few more times as he continued to ramble on. And despite his whining, I closed the door, turned the light off, and went back to our movie.

In retrospect, I should have told him (and anyone who cold calls my house) this: I have a computer and its connected to the Internet. (Amazing, I know in this day and age.) There is absolutely nothing that you can offer me that I can't find faster, cheaper, and more to my liking on the Internet. When I find something I can either order it online and since I also have a phone (another modern marvel), I have the option to call and order it on my time, on my terms.

Please don't ever come to my house or call my house trying to offer me anything. You can't possibly compete so don't waste my time.